Why do I like Marvel movies so much?

Since the start of January, life has been busy. I have been planning a trip to India to study meditation with my teacher, but I made a terrible mistake with the paperwork required for the trip. I have this bad habit of always taking the longest and most complicated path towards a goal. So six weeks before my trip, I was trying to get all my documents in order to be allowed to travel. In addition, my husband and middle daughter left for a planned trip three weeks before my departure.

So here I was, at home with our other two children, with work, after school activities, and the responsibility of the house on my own.

It has been some intense weeks towards this trip. After letting go of my frustration for complicating things, I just did what I felt I could do to get my papers in order, and decided to leave the rest to happen as it had to happen. Luckily, nobody’s life depended on this trip, so if it turned out I couldn’t go, I would have felt very disappointed, but at least I would have learned my lesson.

Like magic, the same week my daughter and husband left for their trip, I received a message that I could pick up my passport in Oslo. That frustration and uncertainty got solved.

Then, there was work. Lots of work. I took on an extra role this Spring semester, and this meant some late evenings in January at work. Again, slightly bad planning from my side knowing that my husband was going to be away and that I had to juggle between my main job as a teacher, my kids’ activities and my yoga classes.

Early on, I had this ‘peptalk’ with myself: what are my main priorities here? How can I organise myself? What can I let go of to make my everyday easier? What can we learn from all this?

My main priority is: stay calm, keep my inner peace. If I mange to do this in the middle of busy periods, I am more focused, I am more creative and more efficient. I am open and present at any moment with my children (who are my priority nr2), with my students (at school and in my yoga classes) and my colleagues.

So, following the teachings of Karma yoga, I tried to keep in mind at all times what my role in each situation was, I did my best, and hoped for the best. I don’t want to sound crazy, but just like magic, things kept falling into place little by little. My kids are now old enough to take some responsibility at home and help, and I think they enjoyed this responsibility. I enjoyed the time I spent with them knowing that otherwise, we were all three going from one thing to another throughout the week.

I did meet some challenges, some ups and some downs, and after a first reaction of frustration, I kept reminding myself to stay focused, stay calm, and here I am two days before my departure and it seems like everything is ready. My lessons are planned, my house is clean, there’s food in the fridge, and my kids are calm. My husband and daughter are soon on their way back home.

Just yesterday, I was watching a Marvel movie with my youngest. We l-o-v-e to watch Marvel movies! And it suddenly hit me why I like these superheroes so much. They just do what they have to do. They get beaten up, they win some battles and they loose others, but they have very clear what their goal and priorities are. They just keep going. That is the life I aspire. Clarity, empowerment, resilience. That is why I work so hard on myself, and I see that the positive results not only benefit myself but also those closer to me. No matter how busy I am, I prioritise my sadhana, at least ten minutes breathing exercises. This helps me reconnect with myself, slow down and set things in perspective. It is self-help at its best.

I am also lucky enough to have supportive and understanding colleagues, some close friends that I know I can count with if things get too crazy and the support of my husband that encourages me to go on trips like this one. There isn’t many people in my life, but the ones that are in it make a big difference, just by their presence, their support and understanding.

May we all have the clarity to keep reminding ourselves to be open, stay calm and focused, and above all trust in ourselves and the process.

Have a good week everyone!

Not perfect but certainly unique

I’ve been living outside my country of birth for over twenty years now. I first moved to France when I was 19 years old, and then to Norway when I was 23. It was especially in Norway that I experienced several times being hesitant between what I felt was the natural thing to do, and what I observed the locals did (or didn’t do). During years, it became a sort of internal battle, and I must confess that my inner impulses often lost because of the fear to not fit in, to be seen as strange (who’s ‘normal’ anyway?). It is as if moving to another country suddenly confirmed all my insecurities and created new ones.

In recent conversations with some other ‘foreigners’, I have discovered that many experience the same. A yoga student was telling me the other day that she dislikes the fact that there is no culture of feedback in the company where she works or at least feedback she feels she can grow professionally from. She would appreciate constructive feedback to improve, but there might be this fear of ‘hurting’ people’s feelings by pointing at what could be better. When I asked why she didn’t bring this up, she seemed unsure. I completely understand her because I can relate to the experience. More often than not, I also choose to go with the flow, but why? In my case, I am afraid of my idea being rejected but if you think about it, if that is the worse that can happen, I might survive no?

A colleague was sharing a similar story. He volunteers as a coach at his kid’s sports club. Here in Norway, it is traditionally parents who organise and coach kids in many sports activities after school. My colleague had observed how the behaviour of the kids sometimes comes in the way for better opportunities for them to learn, and he had some ideas of how to improve this but again, he felt pretty unsure about bringing this up with the other parents. ‘This is maybe the way it is done in Norway’, he said. I think that the sports club is lucky to have him among the volunteering parents, and they would benefit from hearing his ideas, but it seems like he wasn’t completely agreeing with me. And I get it. I know it is easy for me to sit there and listen and want to push him to act when I haven’t done it myself in so many other situations. Of course, this doesn’t only happen with foreigners, it happens to many everywhere.

Coincidentally, I had been reading about svadharma while preparing a workshop about Karma Yoga this week, so I have been thinking a lot about how important it is to be courageous enough to see our uniqueness as an asset, and use it more often to encourage small changes around us…or at least try. Somehow, many of us believe that there is one right way to do things and many other wrong ways. Or, if everybody is doing it the same way, and I see another way, it must be because I am wrong.

It is well-known that the best way to help someone is to focus on his/her qualities, and use them to help him/her grow and develop. Why do we forget to do the same with ourselves? Do you know what you are good at? What comes naturally for you? What do you do that makes you feel a sense of purpose, a sense of meaning? If not, don’t panic, you have it (everybody has it), but it is for some reason hidden from you. Maybe you have been spending too much time putting your attention ‘out there’? Comparing yourself with others? Following other’s path without noticing that it is not yours? Or maybe you have been too busy criticising yourself? Focusing on your less good sides? On your ‘darker’ sides? Have you ever thought about the fact that in order to be light, we need darkness? That we need two sides for a coin to be a coin? So you too have very good and less good aspects in your personality. It is good to try to improve the less good ones, but it is not good that they take all your attention and cloud your good sides.

Here are some challenges for you (and for me). In the weeks to come, start every morning by writing down three things that you see as qualities in you. Don’t allow your mind to play you tricks like saying ‘this is silly’, or that you don’t have any unique qualities, or that yes, maybe but so and so are even better than you. Then, before you go to bed, think about situations during the day where you used these qualities for the benefit of the whole. How did that make you feel? Do you think you need to use them more? Last but not least, is there something you’ve been wanting to suggest at work, in your neighbourhood, at home, or wherever but you haven’t dared? Maybe now is the time! Try, and if your idea isn’t accepted, at least you won’t go around for the rest of your life wondering what would have happened if you had dared to try.