Month: August 2021

Lessons from this week

Published on by VanessaLeave a comment
  1. Sometimes, good intentions are not enough. Discussing a mistake I made this week with a friend, he told me “I always give important decisions a night sleep.” In line with the teachings of Karma Yoga, I strive to create clarity in my mind. This means that I try to always be clear about the intention behind my action. I try not to act impulsively. However, this week, I made a choice with good intentions but after I gained perspective, I realised it wasn’t the best choice for everyone. Which leads to lesson 2:
  2. Running against the clock will often mean trouble. Had I taken the time to reflect on the options, I might have chosen differently, but during the last three weeks, I feel I have been in a constant race against the clock. My mum always says : move slower when you are in a hurry. My friend kindly told me: ‘the choice is made, you cannot change it. You have to put it behind you, but I disagree with your choice this time.’ I agree with him. No point spending time and energy in regretting, but I should learn from this mistake. Which leads me to lesson number 3:
  3. There is a difference between acknowledging our mistakes and shortcomings and torturing ourselves with regret and self-loathe. If we are to grow in this life, if we are to cultivate more peace inside and around ourselves, we need to see the difference between these two. Someone in my sangha wrote a very inspiring experience this week where he describes how, he has come to accept his shortcomings in his interactions with the people he loves, he has seen his part in situations where things haven’t gone the direction he wishes them to go, and he is willing to make adjustments in his attitude and behaviour. He sees it will require practice, patience and time, and he is willing to do so. He is not stuck in regret nor he is running away from the consequences of his actions. I think that what often happens in our relationships is that when we realise where we have been acting unskilfully, we struggle to see that it is just a matter of accepting and adapting. Which leads to point number 4:
  4. I should do my best to live in clarity and with pure intentions, the rest is out of my hands. If I notice I can make a change to improve a situation, I should, but I can’t expect anything in return. We all live inside our heads, and I cannot control how other people react to my actions.
  5. Finally, I should continue simplifying my communication with others. Keep it clear, keep it short and avoid getting tangled in explanations. Sometimes, the best I can do is not to say anything.

Following lesson nr5. I finish this blogpost here hoping you had an enriching week. ❤️

A fight with my husband and a burnt bread

Published on by Vanessa1 Comment

Each Summer, I spend quite a lot of time reflecting about the school year. I reflect about my role as a teacher, but also about my general mental and emotional state because there is a connection. If I am mentally and emotionally in balance, I am able to make better decisions both at work and at home.

This summer, I decided I needed to create better routines for myself when it comes to work and home. I realised that since I became a contact teacher, I felt a big responsibility to deal with student related issues and spent often what I see as family time answering emails, writing reports, worrying about my students or catching up with lesson planning. It wasn’t until about a week after the summer break started that I noticed how stressed and tired I had been.

I want my students to thrive, and I would love to be able to help each and every one of them to develop to their own potential, but I need to remember that I am not a superhero, and that nobody is expecting me to be one. Being a good teacher is to act within the framework that I am given with clear intentions, and with support and in collaboration with parents, the school and support systems when necessary. Not all the responsibility lies on my shoulders.

With these reflections in mind, I decided I was going to find a better balance between work and home. I had made myself a mental schedule for school work.

Then, the school year started. I don’t know how I manage, but every year is the same. Every year, I seem to forget how crazy the first weeks of school are. No matter what I do when I finish the school year, I will always end up feeling that I am drowning in ‘to-do’ lists the first weeks of school.

This year was no exception, and you might have already guessed, as the tasks started to pile up and my days gathered momentum, I forgot my resolutions from the summer to balance work and family better, to avoid stressing, to prioritise better.

Half way through my first week at work, one day, I managed to squeeze too many things into my schedule. After a busy day at school, I came home to a busy evening at home. I had promised my youngest to take her somewhere, at the same time as I wanted to bake bread, wash clothes and tidy up the house. With the extra energy saved during the summer, I felt I could manage. And I did… partly. The problem is that the more I multitask, the more hyper I become, the less patient I am, the more things can go wrong. That day culminated with me losing my patience with my husband and (surprisingly) my husband losing patient with me and we had a huge fight. It was a big shock for me, our kids and for my husband as we almost never yell at each other.

Reflecting about it, I came to the conclusion that the reason why I lost my patience was that I had turned into a human tornado that day. I started the day doing one thing at a time, but as my day advanced, I kept seeing things that needed to be done ‘immediately’. So I kept doing, and doing, and doing, and at some point I was tired but I just couldn’t stop. When this happens, I start resenting my husband because he seems oblivious of what ‘needs to be done’, and I keep hoarding things to do until one little thing goes ‘wrong’ and the whole situation explodes in our faces.

The solution: do less. Leave some work for tomorrow. Sit down. Take a breath. Why do I keep forgetting this simple solutions?

I finished my week with these reflections. All good. Until yesterday.

New week, new pile of things to do. New possibilities for me to create chaos (he he). Yesterday, I forgot again my resolution to not work during ‘family hours’, lost track of time, and managed to forget a loaf of bread I had carefully prepared the day before for almost two hours in the oven. I was so disappointed and frustrated! Baking with sourdough is a long process, and I ruined it because I was multitasking again and even worse, I had not stick to my promise to take a break from work during the evening. But I had to laugh too. Such a good reminder.

My husband has forgiven me for yelling and thinks a bread with a ‘well done’ crust is delicious. I am lucky. I have gained some perspective. I know that stress is a choice. It seems like it’s not, but it really is. I will work on not choosing stress in the future.